Love leaves a memory no one can steal.

It's been one year.  On this very day, one year ago, I was awakened by a phone call from my boss at work telling me that the hospital called there and wanted me to get to the hospital as soon as I could.  I thought nothing of it.  I knew I had to be there that morning to renew the T.V in his room and I just thought that he called my work thinking I was there.  As my brother and I drove to the hospital, I was angry because I thought that my dad wanted us to get him McDonalds for breakfast (which he shouldn't have been eating in the first place), and that maybe he thought that I had forgotten about him, which I didn't I just wasn't in a hurry to get there.  When we got to the hospital we began walking towards his hospital room, but when we got there, there was a note on the door telling us to speak with a nurse before we went in, so we did.  After finally getting the attention of the nurse, she then informed my brother and I that our father had passed away earlier that morning.  I thought that she was lying.  My brother wanted to go in the room to see him, I decided not to and waited outside and sat on a chair and the nurse brought me a box of tissues and a glass of water, but for some reason I didn't cry.  I just sat there.  I was thinking about the day before.  All of us kids were there and had spent the day with him in the hospital.  His brother ended up suprising him and we left so they could talk.  When we all left the hospital, I wasn't going to give my dad a hug, and he had to ask for one, and I am really happy he did; I thought that he was fine.  I don't really remember much of what else happened that day, I think I drove my sister to the ferry to go back home.  I remember being at home and getting a call from my brother asking me to pick him up from the hospital.  When I got there, I had this really weird urge to run up and give him a hug and kiss good night, but I didn't and just told myself that I would see him tomorrow, even though I knew it would have ment the world to him if I did.  I would give anything to go back in time and do that, now I have to live with the fact that the last time I ever talked to my dad was over the phone getting in a fight and him hanging the phone up on me.  I know it's not my fault, but in some degree I feel like it is.  However, I still find that as the days go on, it doesn't get easier.   I still have my moments of bursting into tears, sadness, and depression, and when I do I just snuggle up with my puff-a-lump, like I did when I missed him when I was younger, and just think of all the good times we had together until I feel better.  There are also times that I think of him, and want to cry, but I just can't...in some way, I still don't believe that he is gone.  For some moments in life, there are no words; only tears, which are God's gift to us.  Our holy water; they heal us as they flow.  Dad, if you can hear me, I just want you to know that I am thinking of you.  If you were sad or down, I would send you loving thoughts of sunnier days so that instead of chaos, you may have serenity and peace.  And in the words of Asher Roth, "...Happiness is not about getting what you want all the time, it's about loving what you have, so get ready it's a new day."
I love you dad, and I will always be your little girl. ♥